I devoured parenting books, blogs, and websites when our first-born came home. Once I “mastered” baby life, I took a break from the books. Now that we’ve had our third child, I’ve returned to the professionals.
Babies were a mystery to me, but I’m even more baffled by small children.
This time around, the experts all seem to be saying the same thing: Model the behavior you want from your kids. Don’t tell your child what to do, show her.
Duh. Also, Uh-oh.
So I want to help my 5-year-old with his anxiety and problem-solving skills, the 3-year-old develop her good habits, and all our kids to treat the world with gentleness and curiosity. Now I just need to show them how I successfully manage all of these things.
Yikes.
Well, let’s review. How do I address my anxiety? Tense up every muscle in my body, stop communicating to anyone who might be helpful, and wait it out until the perceived crisis has passed. Done.
Problem-solving should be easy. I come up with two or three solutions, then take the path of least resistance and immediately regret the choice I’ve made. See anxiety notes above.
I want my 3-year-old to clean up after herself and eat better at mealtimes. As soon as I clear my laundry off the living room floor and unearth the vacuum cleaner from the storage closet that is our bedroom, we can start working on that. But first I’ll finish my lunch of every carbohydrate in the kitchen. Piece of cake (oh, is there still leftover cake?)!
At least I know I treat the rest of the world with kindness and a soft touch. Unless they cut me off on the road. Or say something that’s politically misguided. Or look at me funny.
I’m in trouble.
It’s daunting to think I can’t just tell my children how to be a successful human being. It’s terrifying to realize I have to become one first.
Or do I?
After reading the fine print, I realize these parenting experts aren’t actually suggesting I model perfection.
The advice is to let the kids witness my imperfections while I narrate my attempts to overcome them.
Ohhhhh.
I can do that! However, I’m a little nervous about tapping into that much self-awareness. I might discover concerning things about myself, like the fact that my coping mechanisms are flawed and my eating habits are no better than the toddler’s.
Will this mom job ever stop with the mind-blowing revelations?
So now I will work to “master” my modeling. Tomorrow I will attempt to master it again. But it just might be the failures in between that are the most instructive to these children of mine.
And to me, too.
