When I was 24 and only a couple years into marriage, I told my husband I thought we should become foster parents. He said it sounded like a great idea, when we were “older.” I wasn’t sure exactly what “older” meant, but I had been thinking more like “now.”
Months later, without having discussed it much, he came to me and told me he agreed. He thought we should become foster parents. I was surprised, but we signed up for the orientation class and jumped in with both feet.
Unbeknownst to us at that point, we would walk the bumpy road of infertility, and God would use foster care as His way to build our family.
Fast forward eight years, and we have three beautiful children, all adopted through foster care. What initially seemed like a “good way to help kids” has become an integral part of our family, our community, and our faith. Our involvement in foster care has spilled over into every area of our lives, both personally and professionally.
Anyone who knows me will tell you I’m not shy about trying to recruit people to become foster parents. If you are friends with me, I’ve talked your ear off about it. If I know you, I have quietly prayed that you would consider this as a way of life. The bottom line is, kids need safe homes. They need loving parents, families who will pour into them and let them know they’re important. And while I’m well aware that foster care is not for everyone, I challenge you to consider whether or not it might be for you.
If you’ve ever thought about foster care, here are a few things to consider.
Foster Care is Not Adoption
While foster care often leads to adoption, it is never the initial goal. This one often confuses people, but it is the most important thing to understand if you’re thinking about becoming a foster parent.
The majority of the time, children come into foster care looking for a temporary home. They may have been removed from their family of origin for a variety of reasons. They are needing a safe and nurturing place to stay for an undetermined amount of time.
In almost all cases, foster parents will have a relationship with the child’s birth parent or family. The goal is to try to change whatever circumstances necessitated the removal so the child can return home.
This part of foster care is both beautiful and heartbreaking. Watching a family that may have previously been unsafe change and grow enough to welcome a child back into the home is a truly beautiful thing. Children benefit when they are with their birth parents, and helping in the process of leading them home is a privilege. It is also one of the hardest parts of foster care. When you have spent an extended amount of time loving and bonding with a child, having them leave your home is never easy.
Occasionally, returning home is not a safe option for the child. In these cases, parental rights are terminated, and the child may become available for adoption. We have experienced the blessing of adoption on three occasions. While adoption is a beautiful thing, it does not come without loss.
Foster Care is about Opening Your Life to More Than Just the Child
As if your life isn’t turned upside down enough by welcoming a new child into your home, they don’t come alone. They bring with them birth families, social workers, therapists, AEA workers, lawyers, court appointed advocates, behavioral aides, and nurses. The kids show up at your door carrying unseen baggage it may take a lifetime to understand. These children need advocates. People willing to understand early childhood trauma. People willing to become experts at understanding loss. People willing to listen, to reserve judgement, to love.
While your primary job is meeting the immediate needs of the child, sometimes managing the schedules of visits and appointments can be overwhelming. Helping them unpack all their emotions and behaviors can be daunting.
At the same time, foster care brings with it a community of people who have gone before you. We have joined support groups, participated in ministries, and attended trainings that have greatly enriched our lives. Foster parents are a tight knit group, and encouragement and support is always available, if you’re willing to seek it out.
Foster Care Will Be One of the Hardest and Most Wonderful Things You Ever Do
I have learned the words “difficult” and “wonderful” are not mutually exclusive. We have been stretched through this more than I thought possible. There is not a single part of our life unaffected by the changes and stress that come with foster care. It has not been easy, at all. But there is also not a single part of our lives that hasn’t been enriched by it. The rewards far outweigh the risks.
While we so often hear negative stories about foster care in the news, we have come to discover a loving community of people and workers who are dedicated to serving kids in need. We know and love some great kids (even beyond our own three). We know therapists, teachers, and social workers who truly go to bat for kids in care. Our lives have been turned upside down by a world we didn’t even know existed, and we are the better for it.
Yes, You Can Do This
There are few important questions to ask yourself if you’ve ever wondered if you should be a foster parent. The questions are as follows: Is there room at your table? Is there an extra bed in your house? Is there space in your heart? Foster kids are just kids. They need parents who will drive them to soccer practice and youth group, and feed them dinner, just like your kids. You might feel like your family is complete. But I challenge you to ask yourself. Do we have room? Because there just might be someone out there who is waiting for a family. Whether it be for a few days, a year, or a lifetime, your family just might be their safe place to land.
Here are a few resources if you are interested in finding out more about foster care in Iowa.
Meet Guest Blogger Lindsay Pritchard
Lindsay and her husband Nate have been married for a decade, and have three adorable, spunky children (Macieo, 11; Aiden, 5; Kyla 3). Lindsay is passionate about leading worship at her church, recruiting and training foster parents, and rearranging her furniture. She would cease to function without her morning cup of coffee and loves to go running because it’s the only time her world is ever quiet.
If you have questions about foster care, Lindsay would love to help. Email her at [email protected].
Thanks for sharing this Lindsay! You and Nate rock and it’s been a gift to us to watch God build your family and watch you walk the road of obedience to Him! Love you lots!!
This is an awesome, educational post that I love. I love your passion for being a foster parent and I love that you advocate for others to consider it too. Thanks for sharing!!
Lindsay,
This is beautiful written from the heart with a nice balance of challenge and compassion and explanation. Nice job, my friend!
Great post! I am starting the route to foster care and touring the city moms sites! I’m in Red Stick Moms in Baton Rouge. I appreciate any real-life experience I can get!