Sleep Deprivation: How to Function on Limited Sleep

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sleep deprivation survival tips

Ah, sleep deprivation. It goes with parenthood like peanut butter goes with jelly.

Before my oldest was born 4 years ago, this was one of my biggest worries about becoming a parent, because, after all, I like sleeping. And my husband REALLY likes sleeping.

Sadly, most of our worries about this particular side effect of parenthood have come true.

Our oldest is, as they say, not a “sleeper.” It took us less than 24 hours after his birth to figure that out, and a LOT longer to mostly accept it. Even at almost 4, Jack is still up at least once most nights and has expert-level sleep fighting abilities.

Henry, my second baby, is a better sleeper in comparison, though still not fantastic. I think he would have done better on the sleep front if he hadn’t been born in December and gotten his first cold at 1 month old.

We did not get lucky with kids that slept through the night at 12 weeks (or 12 months for that matter).

I’m far from having the sleep deprivation puzzle “solved,” and some days/weeks/phases are better than others (hello cold and flu season), but here are some strategies I have used to help me get enough Zzs to function.

1. Don’t try to do it all

My husband was off work for 3 weeks after our son Jack was born, and it was fantastic. When he went back to work, I tried to take over the entire night shift so he could get enough sleep. That was a mistake.

I was sitting up to breastfeed, getting out of bed to change diapers, and walking/rocking/shushing as needed (which was a lot). The hardest stretch for me was 4-6 weeks when I entered “zombie phase”. I was having big meltdowns, unable to complete sentences, and totally grumpy and stressed by the time my husband came home from work.

Thankfully I realized I couldn’t do it alone anymore, and we gradually settled into a better routine. My husband would usually handle the middle of the night diaper changes so I didn’t have to get out of bed, then I would take over for the feeding sessions. Some nights hubby would take the little guy for the first couple of hours until he needed to eat so I could get to bed early, or we’d swap around 5 a.m. so I could get a couple uninterrupted hours in the morning.

2. Set some guidelines

This is similar to the above, but I think this is taking it a step further. We’re fresh off the terrible pre-walking sleep phase with our youngest where he literally cannot stop moving his body once he rolls over at night and is magically up for two-hour stretches in the early morning.

In our house we have a two-hour rule. If you’re up with a kid for two hours, that’s your ticket to request a trade. We’ve also set a 3 a.m. trade window. If I’m having a rough night of sleep with our youngest, I’ll typically stick it out until 3 a.m., and after that it’s my husband’s turn.

I feel a lot more comfortable and less guilty asking my husband to trade me now that we’ve set these guidelines for sleep.

3. The 24-hour rule

Once you have a kid, it’s pretty much a given that you’re not going to be getting eight blissful, uninterrupted hours of sleep for a while. I know everyone says “sleep when the baby sleeps,” and while it SOUNDS like a fantastic rule of thumb, it’s not super realistic or feasible when you have a life and a house to keep up with, or you know, other kids.

My doula (DMMB’s own Katie Nyberg, aka the Iowa Baby Lady) always reminded me that when you can’t get all eight hours in one chunk, it’s important to get those hours elsewhere in the day. This means getting comfortable with and giving yourself permission to take naps. Sometimes even a short power nap can go a long ways.

Because of this rule, I have moved to a MUCH earlier my bedtime for myself. With my first baby, I would often stay up after he went to bed so I could get a few things done. But the second time around, I’m usually done for the night around 9 when my baby goes to bed. I get ready for bed while my kiddos are doing their nighttime routine so I can just go to sleep when they do. It’s a lot easier to get 6-7 decent hours of sleep when your window of sleep time is 10-plus hours total.

Leave the dishes in the sink. They will still be there tomorrow. Guaranteed.

4. Consider co-sleeping/bed sharing

Though I didn’t plan it and I don’t LOVE it, we are a co-sleeping/bed sharing family. As I said before, my oldest son wasn’t a good sleeper. If I put him down on his own in a crib or bouncer he was up again in 10-15 minutes. And then I had to repeat the whole rocking, sushing, bouncing routine until he was asleep again.

In the early weeks after he was born I tried and failed a lot of times to sit upright and hold him without falling asleep myself or put him down over and over without waking him up. Eventually we had to figure out a better solution for us, so I read up on co-sleeping and bed sharing and learned how to do it safely. And my son and I both got more sleep when laying next to each other.

By the time we added baby brother to the mix, Jack had transitioned to sleeping on his own, but still came looking for us most nights at some point. In the first couple weeks with a new baby at home, my toddler was awake for the day at 5 a.m., which meant we were ALL awake at 5 a.m. and NO ONE was happy. After a few weeks it just made sense to have dad bed share with big brother and for baby and me to co-sleep. It is the way we all get the most sleep and it’s still working for us.

I know co-sleeping isn’t for everyone, and I certainly don’t want to do it forever, but for now it’s what works best for our family.

5. Just add coffee

I was a coffee drinker before I had kids, but I was always content with one cup a day. Since becoming a mom, my ongoing joke is that I have added one cup of coffee for each kid.

After Jack was born, I gradually became a solid two-cup-a-day coffee drinker. Now that I have two kiddos, three cups is my daily baseline to function. The one thing my boys probably know best about me is that Mommy likes coffee.

When you’re having a rough stretch of sleep, if all else fails, just pour another cup of coffee.

How do you cope with sleep deprivation? Is anyone else a reluctant co-sleeper?

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Kimberly Isburg
Kimberly is a Northwest Iowa native, a Drake University graduate, and a fan of all things Des Moines. She is a girly girl who grew up and became a boy mom, and is now an expert on all types of construction equipment and big machines. She shares her Des Moines home with hubby Sam (2006) and sons Jack (March 2014) and Henry (December 2016). Kimberly studied magazine journalism in college, spent 10 years working for a newspaper, and recently became a postpartum doula. In her abundant (and almost nonexistent) free time she enjoys writing about mom life, drinking coffee, documenting time with family and friends, starting Shutterfly projects she rarely finishes, doing Crossfit, and daydreaming about future decorating and crafting projects.

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