Right from the start, my second pregnancy has been very different from my first, from my physical symptoms to my emotional perspective. And while my first pregnancy was great and so special for various reasons, this time I am doing things differently.
My Second Pregnancy
Partially my reasoning comes from necessity. This time I am chasing around a toddler in my spare time and simply don’t have the time, let alone energy, to do things the way I did them previously.
Since my journey of motherhood began in 2018, I have learned a lot about what it means to be a mom, to love another human, and what really and truly matters.
I know it’s not the fragrance-free diapers, organic homemade baby food, a fancy stroller, or the baby playgroups I attend.
What matters most of all for my child is that I, her mother, am happy and healthy in all capacities. I still don’t have everything figured out, and I have to remind myself of this daily. But when it comes to this second pregnancy I am starting things off right with this attitude. And though there are many things I did the first time around that will work again, there are some things I am doing differently.
First and foremost, I am lowering my expectations.
Expectations of birth, breastfeeding, my pre and postnatal body. Honestly just expectations overall.
Now don’t take this to mean that I won’t advocate for my child, or myself or make a genuine effort for things. But what I have found concerning expectations and motherhood is that oftentimes when I have high expectations I end up setting myself up for disappointment. I know every mom can relate when I say things rarely go as we plan or envision them to. For me, the key to overall happiness is low expectations.
I am done comparing.
Comparing my mothering skills, abilities, choices, and techniques.
Comparing my child’s growth, development, and milestones.
Comparing my body and clothing, the cleanliness and organization of my home, and my husband’s fathering.
Done, not doing it, not going to compare.
I have learned through my own self-discovery and therapy that comparison is the fastest way for me to feel unhappy. Truly a thief of my joy as they say. So I’m not doing it. Sometimes easier said than done, but I am making a cognizant effort to stop it.
Lastly, I am not going to do it all.
Looking back, I think there are things, good things, that I missed out on because of my obsession with trying to do it all and be it all, some little things, some big things. And it’s just not worth it.
So this time around I’m letting things go.
Some days its take out instead of a home-cooked meal, letting the dog take care of the crumbs on the floor, and storing those clothes in the dryer a few days longer.
It can wait.
I am making these changes so I can be a happier and healthier mom, to keep my mind right and my heart strong. Because that’s what truly matters and is what my kids need most.