I Don’t Have a Mom Tribe and Sometimes that Sucks

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Motherhood can sometimes be an isolating experience. It can especially feel this way if you are a stay-at-home mama. Sometimes you feel like everyone else has their social lives put together except for you.

I don’t have a “mom tribe” and sometimes that sucks. 

I get a little envious (ok a lotta envious) of the moms who have what they call their “tribe,” which is a group of other moms they are extremely close with, trust to watch their kids, go on outings with, spill their hearts out to, and become like family to them. I don’t have that.

Don’t get me wrong, I have a few really great friends. One of whom is also a mom and has been my closest friend since we were in middle school. Our daughter’s are exactly 6 weeks apart, so we’ve always had that “motherhood” connection as well.

The few friends I do have I know would drop anything to help me and be there to support me through anything. I also have an amazing family who is extremely supportive. But I don’t have that big group of ladies to go out to lunch with, or to hang out with on date nights with our significant others. I don’t have that group of “couple friends” who take family vacations together or throw Super Bowl parties together.

Sometimes I wonder if I’ve brought this on myself, or if I’m just not at the stage of life for my “tribe” yet.

I’m staying home with my daughter and don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t have it any other way, but I wonder if I would make more mom friends if I was working?

My daughter isn’t quite two yet: Will I make more mom friends once she’s in school and involved in activities? Am I not outspoken enough? Am I too shy? Am I making excuses?

Making friends can be tough.

Why is it so hard to make mom friends? Why does it feel like everyone already has their established group of friends?

Is it just me who feels this way, or does anyone else struggle with this?

Why does it sometimes feel like making friends at this age is almost like dating?

I’ll spot another mom at library story time or the science center and think “Should I go up and talk to her?” “What will I say?” “I wonder if she would ever want to have a play date and hang out?” “If we hit it off, do I ask for her number?” “Does she already have her ‘tribe’?”

It literally feels like I’m trying to ask this poor mom on a date! It’s embarrassing, and I never end up talking to her in the first place. Could she have been part of my “tribe” though? I’ll never know.

The first step is trying

I’ll never know if I never ask. I’ll never make other mom friends if I don’t try. I fully know this, so this year I’m going to be more intentional about making connections.

How? I’m not quite sure yet. But this first step is trying. I also will continue to appreciate the few close friendships I do have. I cherish those and am so thankful for them. Maybe they are already my tribe? If so, I’m forever thankful for them.

Does anyone else feel this way? How do you make connections?

mom tribe

9 COMMENTS

  1. You are NOT alone. I feel the EXACT same way! I felt like this before our recent move but even more so now that we moved back to my hometown. I thought it would be better back home but it’s worse. I guess because I had high expectations. All of those friends never left or their kids are all much older than mine! It is extremely lonely!

  2. I also moved back to my hometown! It is definitely very different. I’m glad to know I’m not alone but I also wish it was different for the both of us! I’ll continue to try to involve myself in activities around Des Moines and hope for the best.

    • This is so funny Jess, awesome writing, also very true! I will pm you more! Btw thanks for speaking out for us moms out here doing the Lord’s work! Lol ???????

  3. I 100% know what you’re going through! I’ve wanted to write a post like this so many times. I’ve also had that awkward moment where you meet another mom and you feel like you hit it off but then at the end you don’t know what to do because it feels like you’re trying to ask them on a date. Know you aren’t alone, and please give tips when you figure out what to do! Haha.

  4. I work full time and feel. like you I have my story system but not the mom tribe. I don’t want to come off desperate… it’s so hard to initiate new friendships

  5. Yep I get it…. I m a mom with teens and one with special needs. I cannot have a ft job because he is finished with school and requires supervision. It is isolating, lonely and very difficult. So glad u have the courage to b honest about it. At least u have a few good friends tho.

  6. The tribes in my town appear to enjoy drinks together. I’m not a big drinker, especially around my daughters, but I feel isolated at times because of that. I love to eat and laugh and sometimes I feel a bit of a divide since happy hour has a different meaning for me.

  7. I feel this! Especially because we have no family here. All my work friends are around my age so they don’t have kids or are just starting to have kids (I’m 28 and have a 5 year old). It’s really embarrassing filling out an assessment at school when they ask “how may people does your son play with outside of school that are his age?” Um like none? Hike it baby is great in the summer but it’s weird to be like “let’s hang out outside this group planned activity”.
    I don’t even know how to begin to try to ask random strangers for play dates.

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