I was walking with my girlfriends the other day and found myself bragging about my kids and boasting about a stellar, ninja parenting move I’d tried that actually worked (miracle!). I was working hard to appear as if I had this whole parenting thing down and my AMAZING kids were the proof.
And it felt gross. (Especially with two friends who already know what a complete mess I am most of the time, but who choose to love and accept me anyway.)
I got home and started thinking, “What was that all about? Why was I feeling compelled to toot my own horn in an effort to impress?”
Because that’s not typically my M.O. I’m usually pretty quick to both admit and demonstrate my shortcomings. So, why not last week?
Because last week, I was feeling insecure.
Last week, I was uncertain.
Last week, I needed reassurance.
Last week, I wondered if what I was doing even mattered.
Last week, I felt the need to prove to myself (and everyone), that I was doing a great job.
The temptation to try and impress others is a big one. Who doesn’t like to appear capable, confident and wise? I think everyone does. But, the truth is: most of us – myself at the top of the list – have more uncertainties and insecurities than we let on.
Pick a category: marriage, parenting, friendship, organization, finances, cleaning my house….you name it and I probably don’t know what I’m doing.
I’m constantly wondering if I’m screwing up my kids or my marriage. I judge myself for not being more productive as a work-from-home mom. I “should” on myself for all the things I think I “should” be doing.
Doubts continually swirl in my brain and, when they do, fear and insecurities rise up and taunt me. And when those insecurities rise up, the temptation to impress does, too.
Rather than being vulnerable and admitting my doubts, sometimes I try to hide behind a pulled-together, smart, and successful appearance. Like on my morning walk with friends, I double-up in confidence and try to impress those around me.
But, it never feels right.
Embrace Vulnerability
Because as much as I like the thought of impressing people, I’d rather assure people. I want others to breathe a sigh of relief when they’re around me, not get caught up in their own swirl of doubts and insecurities. I want to bring a sense of camaraderie and community, not competition.
In me, I hope others can find someone they relate to. Someone asking the same questions, struggling with the same issues, and clinging onto the same hope as them. And through that, their souls would breathe a sigh of relief because they found a person, a place, a community to belong to.
That kind of belonging – that feeling of being known – it doesn’t come through being slick. It comes through being vulnerable. From being real. From admitting we don’t know what we’re doing. From confessing our temptation to compare. From asking questions and getting advice rather than thinking we already know it all.
It comes through authenticity.
And isn’t that what we all long for? I know I do. I’d rather know you than impress you. And be known by you rather than be impressed by you.
Because at the end of the day, with all that I don’t know and don’t get right – and it’s a lot – here’s one thing I do: vulnerability leads to connection and connection is what we’re made for. It’s where we belong.
Next time you’re tempted to impress, try vulnerably sharing your struggles instead. And watch how your authenticity connects you to those around you in a deep and meaningful way.
