How I Became a Mother: A Premature Beginning

This post is part 2 of 6 in the series How I Became a Mother.

My husband and I shared 10 amazing years of marriage before we welcomed a child into our family. Our friends and family finally stopped asking when it was going to happen, and then, in July 2009, at age 31, I was honored to accept the title of Expecting Mama.

I often felt expecting a baby was this blessing that had two different worlds: the blissful, exciting world that meant dreaming of holding my baby close, sharing the big news with friends and family, and shopping for adorable clothing; then the reality world that was wrought with so many emotions as a first time mom. Excitement, anticipation, nervousness, and the overwhelming feeling that everything in life is about to change. And how cliche… because the way our little one arrived was nothing like we ever anticipated.

My pregnancy was amazing and without any complications. Until we went for a routine checkup at 28 weeks and the Midwife couldn’t find a heartbeat. I was admitted for pre-term labor, and after a few days of monitoring and varied interventions to stop the contractions, we got to go home on bed rest. We spent Valentine’s Day weekend praying for the contractions to slow down and for God to keep our sweet baby safe inside. Two days later our sweet Clare Evelyn was born. Two entire months early.

We had always dreamt of taking our new little bundle of joy home to begin our family, but instead, we transitioned into a family of three in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) at Blank Children’s Hospital. We had to accept that our new life together was beginning differently than we had planned.

NICU life is an experience – a world of its own. You reside within the walls of your room in this strange mode of existence.

You learn medical terms you never wanted to know about. You make decisions you never want to face. You navigate situations in ways you never thought you were capable of.

You battle the physical. The emotional. The spiritual.

Sure, there are little battles — like which four people you want to choose as visitors. Or deciding to leave the room to grab some air because that fear that rules your mind makes you question what could happen while you’re gone.

But there are the true battles — like serious medical decisions you’re forced to make that concern the future of your child. Or giving permission for a delicate procedure when they tell you the numerous risks.

You waiver between “stay or go” when you know you need to leave your child some night to take care of the life that’s happening outside around you. A life that doesn’t exist at all in your mind until you set foot outside of the NICU doors. A life you could care less about because all you want is your baby to be okay.

But hope is a powerful motivator, so you celebrate tiny milestones like gaining two ounces or her eating without residual coming back up into the feeding tube. You cherish the days that your fragile preemie is strong enough to be held and hold out hope that miracles will happen and everything will be better someday.

Aside from the God above who performed miracles daily on behalf of our baby girl and our amazing support system, one thing that made the experience easier was the philosophy of care, the nurses, and outstanding care team at Blank Children’s Hospital.

Blank’s Philosophy of Care is Family Centered and it made all the difference in the world. Families are encouraged to be involved in the care of their little ones, and until you live that first-hand do you realize how truly critical that is.

Not being able to hold my baby whenever I wanted, being unable to nurse, or to experience the initial bonding that you long for as a new mama was incredibly hard physically and emotionally. But practicing kangaroo care once Clare could handle it was the most remarkable feeling in the world.

Feeling lost and alone in a hospital room with a struggling preemie is one of the most isolating feelings I’ve ever experienced. But having a team of nurses who were continually present with encouraging words or gentle touches eased this mama’s heart.

Feeling completely helpless knowing there was nothing I could do to help my child was paralyzing. But receiving daily updates from the care team helped us understand what was going on medically and gave us the confidence that Clare was in the best hands possible.

We are so thankful for the care we received at Blank Children’s Hospital and we are forever grateful for the attention, compassion, and expertise poured into our sweet preemie.

While our beginning looked different than we ever imagined, we are humbled that today our sweet preemie is a spirited, healthy, five-year-old little girl! We’ve learned a lot about ourselves and our amazing Creator throughout the process, and as much as we wouldn’t want to experience it all over again, I’m thankful for the road we’ve traveled because it has made me the mom I am today.

Read more from our How I Became a Mother series, sponsored by UnityPoint Health – Des Moines:

• I Didn’t Know What I Was Missing
• A Birth Story
• PPD and Me
• The Day That Changed Everything
• A Thank You Story

About Our Series Sponsor

At UnityPoint Health – Des Moines we offer a wide range of Maternity, Pregnancy, and Parenting Services to help guide you through this exciting time. At each of our three Maternity Centers – Iowa Methodist, Iowa Lutheran, and Methodist West – you will find experienced staff and personalized care to help you welcome the newest member of your family. Becoming a parent is a new journey for many, so we offer a wide variety of services, including certified lactation consultants, childbirth education and preparedness classes, perinatal services, and patient care facilitators.