Hearing those words while in a dark room, gown on and legs up in stirrups was not what I was expecting.
My husband and I tried and prayed for so many years and after suffering our first miscarriage we were hopeful but scared. Six months after the loss we decided to intervene and made an appointment to begin talking about IUI’s. I had just gone through 3 failed cycles on Clomid and took a one-month hiatus from counting the days ’til I could pee on that stick.
We chatted with our doctors about our options and went home to audit our bills and see how we could afford to move forward. A few days later we would find out we were already expecting. It was a scary and uneasy feeling. I am sure you can relate if you have experienced a loss. Denial, shock, but also excitement and hope.
Since I had been in close contact with my OB she had me come in right away for a blood test and scheduled me in for an early ultrasound at 6 weeks. The blood test confirmed a very high amount of HCG and the next week I would head in for the early ultrasound.
I tried to stay open-minded. This wasn’t the first ultrasound I have had. I have a long history with endometriosis and cervical dysplasia. Disappointing ultrasounds were nothing new for me. I was just hoping we would see SOMETHING, any sign of life would put my mind at ease. I was just praying we wouldn’t leave disappointed.
Then there it was.
“Well, I’m glad you’re both sitting down”
“There’s two isn’t there?”
Tears, excitement, laughter–it all came flooding in so quickly! She couldn’t tell us much but we were all laughing and crying together. Meeting with my OB the excitement quickly flipped to fear again. She explained that one of the babies was much smaller than the other and we would need to keep a close eye in case we experienced something called “vanishing twin syndrome”. When one yolk sac eventually disappears, chances were high that this would happen.
The next few weeks were scary. I couldn’t help thinking, the next time we saw them there would only be one. We were told multiple times to “Don’t get too stuck on the idea of twins”. Consistently for months and months our Baby B would measure 2-4 weeks behind. That first ultrasound was a mirror of what the next 28-30ish more would feel like. We had so many appointments with the Perinatal Specialist. Some I would leave blissed out, in love with these babies like nothing in the world could stop me. And others I left defeated, worried, and fearful.
After being put on bed rest at 24 weeks I started seeing a Perinatologist once a week. They were always checking in to see how the babies were growing, checking fluid levels and their placentas (yep, two placentas too). Around 33 weeks Baby B’s growth significantly slowed. My doctors became worried and scheduled my C-Section for 35 weeks. The babies were born almost 3 pounds difference, healthy as can be but tiny 4 lbs 5oz Baby B was rushed to the NICU to feed and grow and 6lbs 10oz Baby A was safe in my arms.
I never could have imagined that those 7 words “Well, I’m glad you’re sitting down” would change our lives forever. It is a moment my husband and I will absolutely never forget. The pregnancy taught us so much patience, resilience, and hope.