Finding Myself Again in Motherhood

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finding myselfAs I sit typing, I have a cold cup of coffee to my left, play-doh that’s drying out to my right, and every other toy you can imagine in front of me. I managed to get a quick shower in while the littlest one napped, but didn’t have the energy to do my hair or make-up.

Most days go just like this. Chaos. Messiness. Two kids pulling me in different directions all day.

My life revolves around them day in and day out to the point where I’ve lost who I used to be before I was a Mom. I’m no longer that person anymore nor will I ever be (or even want to be). But what I do want is to find this new “me” and remember that I can’t fill from an empty cup.

Here’s how I vow to find myself again after kids. 

Reality Check

I turned thirty this year and had a reality check that I’ve put things I used to enjoy on the back burner.

The first step is realizing a void may be missing before you can even attempt to “fill your cup back up.” I realized I stopped finding time to read. I stopped finding time to exercise. I stopped doing small things like my skincare routine or painting my nails.

It doesn’t have to be big things that fill your cup up. Just simple things that help make you whole. Sometimes all you need to start finding yourself again is a hard reality check. 

Realize What Parenting “Season” You’re in

If I would’ve read anything about “finding myself” when my youngest was a newborn, I was getting zero sleep, and trying to adjust from one to two kids, I would’ve rolled my eyes and probably said some not so nice words.

Sometimes you’re in a parenting season where “finding you” just may not be the right time. And that’s okay. I didn’t put pressure on myself in that stage of life because to be quite honest, I had too much going on.

Now that my youngest is almost 11 months old and my oldest almost 4, it may be a bit easier to slowly implement things I’ve been putting off. Everyone has a different story and a different timeline and no one should base theirs off of someone else’s. 

Go Slow

There is no way I expect to become this brand new person within the next week. Those books I stopped reading? Realistically, I won’t get through those for a while either. But I slowly can make changes to help fill that cup. For example, I can set a goal to read a chapter a night. Or set a goal to exercise just once a week.

Start slow. Don’t overdo it. You will get there at your own pace. 

Create a Bucket List

I’ve started creating a list of things I would like to do and accomplish. The smallest things from “getting a new haircut” to larger things like “Go on a vacation with no kids.” The main focus of my list is to focus on things that make me happy, fulfilled and help get me back to feeling like I’m more than “just a mom.”

Find Some Alone Time

Easier said than done, I know. Even if it’s only 10 minutes a day and you have to hide in the bathroom to collect your thoughts, do it. Being a stay-at-home mom, I found I was spending every waking moment with my children and had zero time to myself. Ever.

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t change it for the world. I am blessed beyond measure to be able to stay at home with my kids and I totally get that. But I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t extremely hard some days. I am now more intentional about carving out “me” time. Whether it’s hiring a babysitter just to get out of the house for a bit and run errands solo, or making time to go to a cycle class, I’m intentional about my time. 

I’m a major work in progress. There’s so much more I can be doing and I’ll eventually get there. But I’m extremely proud of myself for starting this journey of finding me and excited to see what this year holds. 

What do you do to help “fill your cup?”

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Jessica is a stay-at-home mama to an energetic and non-stop talking four year old little girl named Ava and the sweetest yet ornery little one year boy named Eli. She runs on espresso shots and cold coffee and feels like she's on a vacation when she gets a solo trip to Target. She's been married to her husband PJ for almost 8 years. They have lived everywhere from Minneapolis to Houston but ultimately ended up in the heart of Des Moines where she is enjoying her busy, chaotic and beautiful life.

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