Mom guilt.
It rolls off the tongue like “mom jeans,” but we wear its grip much tighter, like yoga pants. Or skinny jeans if that’s your thing.
I’d like to say I don’t really experience much guilt as a mom, but if I did, I’d be lying. And pretty much any mom who tries to tell you the same is probably lying, too.
Because let’s be honest, we always seem to find something to feel guilty about.
Just when I think I’ve pushed my insecurities aside, something creeps in to cause me to worry. Am I helping my daughter meet her milestones? Am I giving enough, doing enough, being enough for her? Am I getting enough balance between work and life? Should I be doing more with my time?
When people find out I work a freelance job, their first assumption is that I have the best of both worlds: being able to work from home and to be with my daughter.
When I correct them and say that my daughter is in daycare while I work full-time, I seem to get a sideways look, one that is saying, “Really?”
Yep, really.
To be honest, even if I had the choice to work from home and watch my daughter, I’m not sure that I would want to. [Insert more guilt here.] I don’t think I could fully dedicate as much of myself to my work or to my daughter as I do now.
This past year, I experienced just about every possible scenario as a mom. I went from working outside the home full-time to staying at home full-time to now working from home. The situation didn’t happen by choice, but a job layoff enabled me to have six months home with my daughter while I searched for new employment. And while I wouldn’t trade that time I had with her for anything in the world and loved being with her every day, it was also an incredibly challenging time, to say the least. (I’ll spare you the details, but there’s a lot more to the story. Perhaps another post for another day.)
The freelance opportunity came as a result of an interview for a full-time job when they offered me a freelance position instead. I jumped at it, not just because I needed a job, but also because I loved the idea of working from home.
I like working. I like being challenged, experiencing growth and learning opportunities, and the sense of accomplishment. And what I like the most about working freelance is the flexibility of being available when necessary. Whether that is being available to take care of my daughter when she is sick (ah, the joys of daycare), available to take – and make – personal calls and appointments during the day, or even just being able to go run a quick errand when I need to.
Even though there is a part of me that misses the hustle and bustle of the working-outside-the-home life, I feel blessed to be where I am now. It has taken me a while to get to this place. I felt guilty for a long time for disappearing from the professional networking scene, but part of that was out of my control with my schedule and the demands of being a mom. And part of that was me not feeling the right opportunity to get back in again, considering I didn’t have a job. The situation was just hard.
Then there’s the small part of me that feels guilty for sending my daughter to daycare, even though I know it’s the best for both of us right now. I know that they love her and care for her because she gets excited when she sees her teachers. She is making friends, learning, and doing crafts that I would not have the creativity to help her make. (I am so not a Pinterest mom.) She is playing and having fun. She has actually gotten sad a few times when it’s time to go home. I could feel guilty about this, but I am choosing to be thankful for a great daycare.
That’s when it hits me: I am choosing to be thankful instead of feeling guilty. I need this gratitude instead of guilt in all areas of my insecurities.
Because mommas, I’ve realized that I have let myself wear my guilt for far too long. I’ve let its grip cling to me (not unlike the aforementioned yoga pants), and I am slowly peeling it off. I am learning that it’s a process to let go of the different areas of guilt and to trust in God’s provision and plans; but in doing so, I am experiencing more freedom and contentment than I ever have before.
Mommas, it’s time for all of us to find freedom and stop this guilt madness.
No matter your situation as a mom, it’s easy to get caught up in the thoughts of what you think you should be doing. Or even what you think you should feel.
Can we all agree that we need to let go of these thoughts? Our unnecessary guilt? Our need to try to control something because we cannot control our circumstances? (Or maybe that’s just me….)
I know that guilt is something we’re always going to struggle with, because we are human and because life is not easy. But we have a choice in how we respond to the struggles. I am convinced that we become better, stronger people and more like the character of God because of how we choose to respond to our circumstances.
It’s time to choose gratitude over guilt. Faith over worries. A positive, grateful attitude makes all the difference for me, knowing I am blessed to be called momma by the sweetest little girl in the world.
Mommas, no matter your situation, you are doing what is best for you and your family. Don’t let your thoughts or anyone else’s tell you otherwise.
