A Boy Mom’s Most Important Mission

I never expected to be a boy mom.

A mom of boys, sure. But only boys? Nope.

I grew up with a younger sister and a mom who sold Mary Kay. I started wearing makeup, daily, at age 10 and wore sparkly, frilly dresses my mom made for me.

I didn’t grow up having any good guy friends, and I didn’t even date much until my husband came along.

When I was pregnant with our first baby, I was excited to find out we were having a boy.

I had my “boy” and I was thankful we’d be carrying on the family name. And for the first couple of years, I didn’t feel much like a “boy” mom. After all, having a boy was mostly the same as having a girl (minus the differences in diaper changes and clothing color options).

When my oldest, Jack, was around 2, a photo book on different types of Caterpillar construction vehicles became his favorite. I was days away from donating it at the time because I thought it was SO boring. But this book jump-started my education on all types of construction equipment and big machines. I slowly started to realize I was, indeed, a boy mom.

When I was pregnant with my second, I was more tired and more nauseous. I was convinced I was having a girl. I wasn’t. And it honestly took me a bit to grieve all the “girl” things I would miss out on.

I thought I would miss the cute clothes and the dolls, but when I thought about it, I realized what I would miss most are things like prom and weddings, and having a baby. I thought I’d miss out on the special bond of moms and daughters, and especially the bond that can grow as girls grow into women and moms themselves.

What I didn’t know about are all of the wonderful benefits of being a boy mom. Boy moms have an important role in shaping the next generation.

3 Reasons I Love Being a Boy Mom

Here are a few of my thoughts on being a boy mom:

Boys are challenging (in a good way)

I think being a parent of the opposite gender challenges you to learn and to grow. You can’t draw on your own experiences from the past quite as much, so you have to work harder to understand.

I never thought I’d care about things like fire trucks, or police cars, or construction equipment. But I’ve had to learn, and I enjoy pointing these things out to my boys as we drive around town. It’s fun to see their excitement when we hear sirens or drive past a construction site. It feels like a badge of honor that I know what a feller buncher is or the difference between a flatbed truck and a tow truck (I’ve been corrected several times). I feel a sense of excitement when I spot a concrete boom pump and can share it with my boys.

If my boys were into dinosaurs or trains, I’m sure I would know a lot more about those topics, too, and find joy in talking about them. When you’re the mom of the opposite gender, it forces you to find ways to build connections.

Boys are a blessing

Though I hate to admit it for my husband’s sake, I am my boys’ favorite person. I’m the one they want to play with, to take them to school, to pick them up, to put them to bed, and to sit with them for (hours) while they’re on the potty. They don’t love anyone quite like they love their mama. And I feel SO blessed by that. I am their first love and their first friend, and there’s something really beautiful about being that person for my boys.

It is hard to be needed SO much so often. And lots of days I feel like there’s not quite enough of me to go around. My boys regularly fight over me (“my mama”) and wrestle each other to snag a spot on my lap.

But I know it won’t always be like this, so I try to soak in the joy and appreciate being needed as much as I can. There will come a day when my boys will no longer want to hold my hand or have me drop them off at school. This is my moment to be the center of their world, and for me to make them the center of mine.

Boys can become good men

For as much as we talk about raising strong women and teaching girls that they can be anything they want, sometimes the language and beliefs we have about boys can be equally limiting. Phrases like “boys don’t cry,” “you throw like a girl,” “nice guys finish last” (and others that I’d rather not mention here) can be equally toxic.

If I want my boys to grow up to be good men, they need to do more than respect others and treat them as equals. They need to learn to be comfortable with themselves and find healthy ways to handle their emotions.

I want them to know that boys do cry, and it’s OK. They are human beings with totally normal emotions: Anger, sadness, frustration, etc. Boys can be sensitive and strong. Powerful and peaceful. They can be anything they want, even if it doesn’t fit the expected mold of masculinity. This is my most important mission as a boy mom.