31 Jokes for Beggars’ Night

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beggars nightI didn’t grow up in Central Iowa, so when I bought a house in Des Moines I was new to the concept of Beggars’ Night. (Traditionally October 30 from 6 p.m to 8 p.m.) In the first couple of years, I mostly ignored the whole “joke” business as I handed out candy.

Over time I embraced the Beggars’ Night jokes and began to enjoy asking kiddos if they had a joke to tell. It’s cute to watch the little ones do their best to remember the joke they’ve been practicing at home.

Over the years I’ve heard some of the same jokes over and over (I bet you know how to make a tissue dance, right?), which makes it hard to laugh when I already know the punch line.

It’s the first year that my oldest kiddo (a Kindergartener) will be able to remember a joke to tell, so I’ve been looking for some fresh material that might actually make someone chuckle.

Here are 31 jokes to freshen up your Beggars’ Night routine

  1. What kind of music do planets like to listen to? Neptunes.
  2. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because she was feeling crummy.
  3. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping? A dino-snore!
  4. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? Because she was stuffed!
  5. What has ears but cannot hear? A cornfield.
  6. How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying? You rocket.
  7. What did the Dalmatian say after lunch? That hit the spot!
  8. What is a witch’s favorite subject in school? Spelling!
  9. What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.
  10. What animal is always at a baseball game? A bat.
  11. Why do hamburgers fly south for the winter? So they don’t freeze their buns.
  12. Why is a bad joke like a bad pencil? Because it has no point.
  13. What did the cheerleaders say to the ghost? Show your spirit!
  14. Why couldn’t the shoes go out and play? Because they were all tied up!
  15. How did the lettuce plan to win the race? Stay a head.
  16. How do we know that the ocean is friendly? It waves.
  17. What is a tornado’s favorite game to play? Twister!
  18. How does a scientist freshen her breath? With experi-mints.
  19. How can you tell if a vampire has a cold? He starts coffin.
  20. What is the computer’s favorite snack? Computer chips!
  21. How does a cucumber become a pickle? It goes through a jarring experience!
  22. Where do pencils go on vacation? Pencil-vania.
  23. Why couldn’t the pony sing a lullaby? It was a little hoarse.
  24. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
  25. Why are ghosts bad liars? Because you can see right through them.
  26. What dinosaur had the best vocabulary? A thesaurus.
  27. What did one toilet say to the other? You look flushed.
  28. What was the musician’s favorite pastry? A drumroll.
  29. Why couldn’t the astronaut book a hotel on the moon? Because it was full.
  30. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
  31. How do you throw a party in space? You planet.

What joke will your kid be telling?

beggars' night

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Kimberly is a Northwest Iowa native, a Drake University graduate, and a fan of all things Des Moines. She is a girly girl who grew up and became a boy mom, and is now an expert on all types of construction equipment and big machines. She shares her Des Moines home with hubby Sam (2006) and sons Jack (March 2014) and Henry (December 2016). Kimberly studied magazine journalism in college, spent 10 years working for a newspaper, and recently became a postpartum doula. In her abundant (and almost nonexistent) free time she enjoys writing about mom life, drinking coffee, documenting time with family and friends, starting Shutterfly projects she rarely finishes, doing Crossfit, and daydreaming about future decorating and crafting projects.

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