Are You a Geriatric Millennial Mom?


geriatric millenial momThe term, “geriatric millennial” took the internet by storm earlier this year when Erica Dhawan wrote about those of us born in the early ’80s being comfortable with analog and digital technology. Business Insider recently said we have the most power in the workforce.

Basically, we’re awesome.

We remember talking on phones with cords and can Zoom with the best of them.

As I learned more about geriatric millennials, it explains a lot about how I move through the world and how I parent. You might be a geriatric millennial parent if you have some of the same thoughts (and struggles) I do!

You’re Raising Your Kids “Wrong”

We are constantly walking the line between what we know from our childhood and what the collective internet tells us is “right” and “wrong.”

This is why you might freak out when your two-year-old is behind the wheel of an F-150 with grandpa on a farm road. Then, you remember driving back roads with a minivan full of your friends before you had a license. That’s when you come back to Earth and realize your kid is completely fine.

Geriatric millennials are also more likely to have grandmas who rubbed whiskey on their teething gums as babies. This is obviously a scientific fact. If you’re lucky enough to still be able, go ask your grandma.

Technology vs Tetherball

If you haven’t been hit in the head by a tetherball, have you really lived? You love the iPads and video games for their ability to entertain your kids. But, when they start to become screen-addicted little monsters, you give them a ball and tell them to go outside and entertain themselves or you will throw their iPads into traffic.

You Make Your Kid Order (and talk to adults)

Because you remember life without technology, you also remember the importance of being able to look people in the eye and have a conversation. Geriatric millennials probably make their kids order their own food at restaurants.

You Find Youth Sports Annoying

You probably did something in high school that required practice and commitment. For me, this was sports and there’s value in what sports can teach kids.

But, can someone please tell me why third graders have six-foot banners of their team looking “tough” hanging on dugouts at tournaments? My kid should be able to shower without complaining before his picture is on a dugout.

On the flipside, all the kindergartners in t-ball do keep score – they just do it completely wrong. We should consider keeping score.

You Miss Real Shopping

Going to the mall for a homecoming dress with your friends was all about the experience. Can we find everything at just one mall? Was it on sale? Yes, that purple-and-teal-zebra-print dress does look outstanding on you (and in the early 2000s, it did, trust me)!

If you’re a geriatric millennial and currently an influencer, you’re probably killing it because you remember real shopping and are comfortable with technology. I just need someone to send me recommendations for influencers who are 5’8”, not thin, and don’t have hair extensions.

If you’re still not sure you’re a geriatric millennial, check out this list from Pure Wow.

What do you think makes you a geriatric millennial mom? I’d love to know!


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