Content warning: the following article discusses child sexual abuse, which some readers may find harmful or disturbing.
Before my daughter was born, I told myself I wouldn’t use baby talk or cutesy nicknames. Kind of how I also believed I wouldn’t use pouches and my baby would only get homemade purees made from organic fruits and vegetables (insert crying laughing face emoji here).
Fast forward three years later and “sleep” has been replaced with “night night” in our household. Binkie, jammies, and blankie are part of my vocabulary now too; but the one area that cute euphemisms will not be extended to is body parts.
It can be tempting to teach children to refer to their private parts by code words like “tooshie” or “peepee.” Perhaps it’s because that’s how we were raised or due to our own discomfort. I admit it’s still funny to hear my toddler say “anus” because it’s so out of the realm of what I’m used to. However, experts agree there is great value in teaching children the proper terms for their body parts from an early age.
5 Reasons to Use Proper Body Terms with Kids
1. It Promotes Positive Body Image
Children are a clean slate. They aren’t tainted by the feelings of shame or embarrassment that can plague us as adults. Teaching kids the anatomically correct names for all of their body parts reinforces that our bodies are nothing to be ashamed of. By coding words like penis, vagina, vulva, or testicles, we are sending an underlying message that there is something naughty, rude, or embarrassing about them. That they shouldn’t be discussed. Making these words a part of their vocabulary from an early age normalizes them. It also eliminates the giggles when your kids hear these words as they get older.
You can start using the proper words for their privates before your kids are even verbal! Use bath time or diaper changes as teaching opportunities by naming the parts you are washing or wiping. Feeling comfortable with their bodies starts with feeling comfortable with the names of their body parts. This will help enhance their self-image.
2. It Supports Communication
Normalizing the use of anatomically correct words and eliminating any sense of embarrassment around them lays the foundation for honest, open conversations with your children about their bodies and sexuality. It’s important for kids to feel they can engage in dialogue with their parents or come to them with questions about their sexual development without embarrassment being an issue. Additionally, having the confidence that comes with knowing the correct names for their body parts makes them more likely to tell you or doctors about their needs if there is ever a problem. It also makes them better able to articulate the problem.
For example, it can be tricky to diagnose a bladder infection in a child who reports her “bottom” is hurting instead of her vaginal area. Lastly, referring to private parts by alternate terms can be risky, according to experts, because it can lead to a child being misunderstood by others if they report unsafe touch (more on that below).
3. Using Proper Terminology is Protective
Informed kids are safe kids. Just as we teach children about road safety and water safety, teaching them body safety is equally important. Experts believe teaching children anatomically correct language as part of body safety education can help prevent sexual abuse. Studies suggest offenders are less likely to pick confident, informed kids. A child who knows the proper body terms indicates a child who has been educated about body safety. It is also indicative of a child who talks openly with their parents. These indicators are discouraging to perpetrators.
4. It Can Help Detect Sexual Abuse Early
One in 10 children will be the victim of sexual abuse before they turn 18. Teaching children proper body terms helps build confidence. This can make them more likely to come forward and tell a trusted adult if they experience abuse. Professionals also believe adults are more likely to take a child seriously if they use the anatomically correct words when reporting abuse. It reduces the risk of children being misunderstood.
During a recent training I participated in for work, I heard the heartbreaking story of a little girl who referred to her vagina as her “cookie.” Tragically, a teacher did not understand she was a victim of sexual abuse when she reported that a family member had eaten her cookie. As a prosecutor, I can also tell you a child’s ability to use the proper language when describing sexual abuse is extremely helpful with the law enforcement investigation, forensic interview, and judicial process.
5. It’s Good for You Too
If you’re like me, you have found through parenting you are also re-parenting yourself. Maybe you need to normalize the use of these words for yourself too and that’s ok. Getting over our own discomfort can help prevent our kids from developing that discomfort, or help them overcome it.
It’s not too late! If you don’t give any special weight to those words, your kids won’t either. Start talking to your children today about the importance of knowing the correct words for their body parts.
